Only for 12 seconds every hour
I have the power to possess others
...but everything you try to make people do goes up for a three-way vote - you, the possessed, and a random stranger anywhere in the world.
I can summon quesadillas! Purple unicorns quake in fear of their cheesy might!
All quesadillas you summon, regardless of chosen flavor, contain a random ingredient you are allergic to.
I can control electronic equipment with my mind.
Sadly though all the electronic devices you control are as fast as internet explorer
i can become any animal i want (like beast boy)
Sadly, each form only has the appearance, size and weight of the animal, as well as only a tenth of the ability of said animal.
I can will any item I wish into existence.
Only the items you've dreamed into existence are to scale for a dollhouse. (“What is this, a center for ants?”)
I have the ability to travel anywhere in all of space and time.
Too bad you can only go to places that don't exist anymore.
I am invincible.
But you can only move via ragdoll physics.
I can bring cartoon characters to life in the real world.
But it's limited only to foreign stop motion claymation.
I am now understood by anyone regardless of native language
However you can't speak it and must write down your thoughts in order to be understood.
I can recreate any piece of artwork precisely
Any living beings in the art come to life and endlessly insult you.
I do not need to sleep at all.
But you need to drink a lot of coffee and thus need to consistently use the bathroom
I am able to survive in any harsh environment
Your definition of harsh is still within the bounds of civilization.
I can make holograms of anything I like at will.
Unfortunately the holograms don't like you and grow hostile.
I'm able to create any video game I choose.
...but you end up creating a video game so perfect that you never stop playing. You go out like Narcissus, staring at the beauty of your own creation till your last breath.
I am a Man of Steel!
Unfortunately, you're hands are permanently welded to your hips in a super man pose.
I can actually please all of the people, all of the time.
Despite your efforts, the work you do earns no accolades or prestige.
I can tunnel beneath the earth just like in minecraft.
Sadly, its only straight down which guaranties a run in with lava.
Every time i close my eyes i can watch any television program
Unfortunately, you cannot stop blinking your eyes.
I can recall any moment in history to a degree of perfect accuracy.
.... Which is only effective up to a year ago.
I can formulate the perfect argument in any debate.