The most obnoxious Gary Stu in the universe falls in love with you.
I have the power to never be late for work or school.
(not in thread, can we just appreciate that I put Mary Sue even though I'm male? XD)
Using this power causes you to be completely unprepared, however.
I can build hyperspace inventories that fit inside a backpack.
You can only equip these inventories to non-combat companions.
I have the ability copy my opponent's fighting style.
Your reaction time is 10x slower.
I can materialize anything out of thin air.
...but it will only last for a second or two.
I lack the ability to feel cold.
But temperatures 85 degrees fahrenheit and above deal damage to you without the proper clothing equipped and/or consumable for temporary resistance.
I can pilot a two pilot mech by myself.
But it only gets half the gas mileage.
I can learn and speak any language in seconds.
Unfortunately your accent is so bad no one can understand a word you say.
I no longer require oxygen to live.
You now need to intake heavy amounts of bird feces every hour in order to stay alive.
I can travel into any fictional universe I want, and at any time.
However, your powers do not include the ability to speak or understand the dominant languages of said universes.
I have the power of flight.
... for about 10 feet at a time. Need to rest up after.
I have diplomatic immunity, no matter what time, place, or dimension.
You are still accused of murder every time you are sued(doesn’t look good on your application to get a job)
I have the power to make anything from thin air...
But everything is thin due to the air
I have the ability to change my appearance
But you can only change your appearance to Derpy Hooves.
I have the power to summon Pokémon into this world and back.
But you can only do it when you are unopposed.
I can fix any form of machinery.
But only if you break it to bits first
I can create anything artistically I can think of
But only using shades grey...
I can turn invisible at will.
But you only stay invisible as long as nobody's looking directly in your direction.
I have super speed.
Going at that speed still applies considerable friction from the air around you, causing burns on your skin after long periods of speed, as well as wearing down your clothing.
I can manipulate any and all RNG-based outcomes in my favor.